i double dipped my carrots, i blasted my music until my ears hurt, and there was nobody to tell me not to do it.
i'm tired of being lonely, of being alone.
i wish next week would hurry up and get here.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Picture me, a 5 year old. Its winter, I'm wrapped up in my winter clothes along with wool mitts and a pink wool hat. It's still winter cold, but recently the snow had a great melt down. The snow-turned-water washed the dirt into great puddles of mud. There are five of us children. Angela-8, Jay-7, Kath-7, Randy-5.5, Rach-5. We're at the other kids' family's farm. A simple affair of a dirty white farmhouse, a faded red barn, and a driveshed clustered around a grassyard containing a playground and yardshed. The buildings are bordered by a road at the front and two fields on the sides, but most importantly, backed by a narrow dirt lane, a curving path towards a looming wood of children's fantasies.
It was down this path that the five of us traipsed. All in winter attire that was much too baggy, but fit the purpose. The woods grew in the distance as we walked on. The trip down the lane seemed to be taking near to five times it should. And as I recall, the stride I now walk with swallows the distance in a quarter of the time. The bend in the lane appeared just below the dip in the rutted track, and the edge of the woods stood stiff to all lookers. The woods were boardered by tall weeds laced with frost and sprinkled with snow that settled deep at their base. A moment of hesitation and Jay stepped through the snow. He sank deep, and had to part the tall weeds that dwarfed his small frame. Angela followed, wading through and breaking a trail. I followed. There was mud beneath the layer of snow that came up to my waist. Breaking free of the weeds I was into the canopy of the trees. Leaves or no, the pines smiled a warm green scent as we picked our way through the forest towards the familiar 'pond'. Squeezing through a tiny gap in a ring of tall pines we gathered by the fort, that was suddenly exposed, as we stepped into the grove. The fort was primative. Wooden stakes pounded into the earth in a generous rectangle and more closely around the edges. Long tree branches lay on the wall frame, across the top, to form the rafters. Sheets of rusted and bent metal encircled the wood stakes to creat walls, and a great blue trap, spotted by many repairs, was cast over top. The small door faced the pond, a creek's dammed surface, glassy with ice. On the other side of the pond were an assortment of swings. Ropes cast over branches, looped holes in the bottom for feet, a wooden seat, a stout stick to swing on. A log see-saw sat to the side of the pond, dusted with powdery snow.
Inside the fort were a collaboration of amusments. In the back corner were a set of stone slabs, the oven. Above it and all along the back wall was a board shelf, nailed in place, and littered with chipped dishes and rusted pots. The rest of the fort was open, though a old dart board stood on the wall, darts waiting, and a an old milk barrel housed the handmade bows and arrows.
In the weather of the season we spent our hours of innocence living in the fort, traveling along the creek's length to the sack hill, where under a cleverly hidden cavern of tree's roots housed our feed sacks. Perfect for sitting on and coasting down the packed snow hill, and boot skating on the creek and pond. After a full morning of fantasies and snowy joys we would heed the call of the lunch bell to travel out of the woods. Being infinately careful to splash in the melted mud puddles, we raced each other in short bursts that took us faster towards the house that promised hot cocoa and cheese & tuna melts for lunch.
-a story of childhood memories as related to a friend
It was down this path that the five of us traipsed. All in winter attire that was much too baggy, but fit the purpose. The woods grew in the distance as we walked on. The trip down the lane seemed to be taking near to five times it should. And as I recall, the stride I now walk with swallows the distance in a quarter of the time. The bend in the lane appeared just below the dip in the rutted track, and the edge of the woods stood stiff to all lookers. The woods were boardered by tall weeds laced with frost and sprinkled with snow that settled deep at their base. A moment of hesitation and Jay stepped through the snow. He sank deep, and had to part the tall weeds that dwarfed his small frame. Angela followed, wading through and breaking a trail. I followed. There was mud beneath the layer of snow that came up to my waist. Breaking free of the weeds I was into the canopy of the trees. Leaves or no, the pines smiled a warm green scent as we picked our way through the forest towards the familiar 'pond'. Squeezing through a tiny gap in a ring of tall pines we gathered by the fort, that was suddenly exposed, as we stepped into the grove. The fort was primative. Wooden stakes pounded into the earth in a generous rectangle and more closely around the edges. Long tree branches lay on the wall frame, across the top, to form the rafters. Sheets of rusted and bent metal encircled the wood stakes to creat walls, and a great blue trap, spotted by many repairs, was cast over top. The small door faced the pond, a creek's dammed surface, glassy with ice. On the other side of the pond were an assortment of swings. Ropes cast over branches, looped holes in the bottom for feet, a wooden seat, a stout stick to swing on. A log see-saw sat to the side of the pond, dusted with powdery snow.
Inside the fort were a collaboration of amusments. In the back corner were a set of stone slabs, the oven. Above it and all along the back wall was a board shelf, nailed in place, and littered with chipped dishes and rusted pots. The rest of the fort was open, though a old dart board stood on the wall, darts waiting, and a an old milk barrel housed the handmade bows and arrows.
In the weather of the season we spent our hours of innocence living in the fort, traveling along the creek's length to the sack hill, where under a cleverly hidden cavern of tree's roots housed our feed sacks. Perfect for sitting on and coasting down the packed snow hill, and boot skating on the creek and pond. After a full morning of fantasies and snowy joys we would heed the call of the lunch bell to travel out of the woods. Being infinately careful to splash in the melted mud puddles, we raced each other in short bursts that took us faster towards the house that promised hot cocoa and cheese & tuna melts for lunch.
-a story of childhood memories as related to a friend
Sunday, August 26, 2007
close your eyes and learn to see
Life dishes you things you don't like
Sometimes you know there's a better place you could be
You just can't let go, and reach out again
You close your eyes and learn to see
.
All it takes is a moment of silence
But it's in this turmoil I got lost before
Sometimes I want it, sometimes I don't
I'm lost in descision, do I want more?
.
Where does this path go?
Will I like where it leads?
Am I still looking for the best,
Or am I ignoring what my heart's needs?
.
Should I be silent, should I rise up
Why all these questions, am I too fickle?
All questions, no answers
Oh dear I know this is quite a pickle
.
The fallen tears dried long ago
While others still live without release
I don't want to remain, I want to move
Please let me self, please
.
A war within, a war not of two
Nor three, or four
I'd like to clean these confusions up
Without creating more
.
Brought in with the rising tide
Is the thought there's a better place for me to be
And though I reach, I don't let go
And though I close my eyes I still can't see
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
do ya'know I forgot to post this like 3 weeks ago....OHWELL!
I really really want to write this long post about something I've been mulling over for several weeks, the time period over which I have been unable to write, but I don't really feel like writing right now and I think that with the thing that I want to talk about I have to be...into it. I suppose having read that you will wonder, why is she procrastinating on writing about it, but I'd rather deliver it later than deliver it poorly. Man, I sound like I care! Haha, I do.
So, yeah, now that I've provoked wondering in your mind I will move on to why exactly I haven't been writing.
I've been busy. Originally it was with cramming school work that should have been completed months ago but never got finished, and once that was over after about a 10 minute break I was swept into the best week of my life. Everton VBS. A week where I was helping others, but it didn't feel like it, and at the end I came out with exactly what I needed going into it. The 'housing' was amazing, the food was amazing, the VBS was amazing(ly smooth running), and most of all the people were amazing. It was a week with a full roster and though I knew some of the girls (Jo, Lara, Sarah and the rest of the Pypker family) I was rather nervous about meeting the others. At least I thought there would be others. Turns out I was right. Leah, Robyn, and Jenna from Golden Woods...Sarah's barn. They arrived soon after I did and though as we took all our stuff downstairs there was a somewhat awkward silence we soon started talking and by Saturday's dinner were sufficiently acquainted to base a bigger friendship...I guess that sounds kind of technical but saying it simply would be we started talking and soon I soon decided that they were all pretty cool. Anyways, Sunday morning to our chagrin Jenna, Leah and I realized that in our enthusiasm to pack for the week had overlooked Sunday clothes. At least we all wore jeans. It did feel funny though. Sunday evening Evonne, Sarah's cousin arrived. Getting to know her was harder because she disappeared with Anna and nearly always stuck right by Sarah and wouldn't talk so much about herself. I really forget whether Lara arrived that evening or in the morning....but Robyn arrived that evening and Jo arrived on Monday morning. Eventually our crew arrived and according to my observations soon became extremely tight. It was actually pretty awesome because we would all walk to the church together every morning and then we would split up in crew leaders, techies, dramatic assistance, and snack monitors. We were apart but we were still working together. After the VBS day was over we would all walk back and then just hang out for the rest of the day.
I think my favourite hangout day was Tuesday when we went swimming and Leah started doing song actions under the water...which amused me greatly. The rest of the week was a brilliant yet typically unrecorded blur of happiness and fun.
By the end of the hangout afternoon(s) and evening(s) I had watched: Pirates of the Caribbean 1, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, The Holiday, and A Series of Unfortunate Events. An eclectic
Also while the other girls danced to the actions DVD I video taped. It was a thing of the moment and I didn't know how much I would love it now to sit back and laugh at them as they made funny faces at me and over exaggerated the moves.
VBS ended Friday afternoon and was followed by a hotdog lunch. After that Jo had to scoot pronto but the rest of us went to the park with Richard and Jordan. It was an interesting time, mostly because it wasn't a specified, per organised action. Interesting as in good though. Most of the girls left later that (Friday) evening and Lara left Saturday morning but due to my father's stay in China and Kathleen's recent surgery I was left until Sunday evening.
Saturday morning Sarah was at the barn working early so I stayed 'home' and cleaned up the basement room and then vacuumed and folded laundry for a bit and then went downstairs and hung out. About lunch time Bekah called and told us about a Jacob Moon concert happening that night, everyone decided to go and Sarah was assumed attendance. The only catch was that when Sarah got home at the end of her work day at the barn she was tired and slightly pessimistic about the horseshow the next day (Sunday).
It was Anna's first show and boy oh boy she schooled in her first two classes! 1st & 2nd followed by 6th in equitation trotting poles. :D. Very good, very good indeed.
Sarah's classes started at 11:30 so Anna was done and Em, Anna, and I watched Sarah as she worked out some hacking classes on Danny, and than competed in a little jumping on Music (who was a grand ole feller and didn't refuse them!). In total Sarah competed in 7 classes and revceived a, 1st, 2nd, 2nd, 2nd, 4th, 5th & 6th. And then got a Reserve Champion ribbon! I know that you're not supposed to boast, plus its annoying, but I'm doing it for Sarah, cause I'm proud of her, and I hope this somehow gets to her.
Late that afternoon we returned home (the Pypker's....home #2, anywaysss....) to a snack of (the best) Greek salad (in the world). After we hung out a bit (attempting to hang a new yarn line on her wall to accomodate her ever growing ribbon collection) until my momma and my sista decided to arrive to pick me up. After which we enjoyed a delicious supper of belgian waffles slathered in both brown sugar and syrup ( Mr. Pypker style ;D). It was a slighting sad ending to my stay with the Pypker's as I gathered together my belongings and headed home. It was SO quiet without 7 girls being everywhere at once and I found that I missed being able to talk to a variety of people throughout the day and enjoy special memories with them. Twas sad. Though I shall live as I have connected to my Everton VBS buddie's through e-mail and facebook and look forward to attending their jointed barn's next show.
So I changed my font in order to differentiate between the two bits of writing. I'm going to post this now....I must have forgotten to post it when I wrote it nearly 3 weeks ago. Cherrio!
So, yeah, now that I've provoked wondering in your mind I will move on to why exactly I haven't been writing.
I've been busy. Originally it was with cramming school work that should have been completed months ago but never got finished, and once that was over after about a 10 minute break I was swept into the best week of my life. Everton VBS. A week where I was helping others, but it didn't feel like it, and at the end I came out with exactly what I needed going into it. The 'housing' was amazing, the food was amazing, the VBS was amazing(ly smooth running), and most of all the people were amazing. It was a week with a full roster and though I knew some of the girls (Jo, Lara, Sarah and the rest of the Pypker family) I was rather nervous about meeting the others. At least I thought there would be others. Turns out I was right. Leah, Robyn, and Jenna from Golden Woods...Sarah's barn. They arrived soon after I did and though as we took all our stuff downstairs there was a somewhat awkward silence we soon started talking and by Saturday's dinner were sufficiently acquainted to base a bigger friendship...I guess that sounds kind of technical but saying it simply would be we started talking and soon I soon decided that they were all pretty cool. Anyways, Sunday morning to our chagrin Jenna, Leah and I realized that in our enthusiasm to pack for the week had overlooked Sunday clothes. At least we all wore jeans. It did feel funny though. Sunday evening Evonne, Sarah's cousin arrived. Getting to know her was harder because she disappeared with Anna and nearly always stuck right by Sarah and wouldn't talk so much about herself. I really forget whether Lara arrived that evening or in the morning....but Robyn arrived that evening and Jo arrived on Monday morning. Eventually our crew arrived and according to my observations soon became extremely tight. It was actually pretty awesome because we would all walk to the church together every morning and then we would split up in crew leaders, techies, dramatic assistance, and snack monitors. We were apart but we were still working together. After the VBS day was over we would all walk back and then just hang out for the rest of the day.
I think my favourite hangout day was Tuesday when we went swimming and Leah started doing song actions under the water...which amused me greatly. The rest of the week was a brilliant yet typically unrecorded blur of happiness and fun.
By the end of the hangout afternoon(s) and evening(s) I had watched: Pirates of the Caribbean 1, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, The Holiday, and A Series of Unfortunate Events. An eclectic
Also while the other girls danced to the actions DVD I video taped. It was a thing of the moment and I didn't know how much I would love it now to sit back and laugh at them as they made funny faces at me and over exaggerated the moves.
VBS ended Friday afternoon and was followed by a hotdog lunch. After that Jo had to scoot pronto but the rest of us went to the park with Richard and Jordan. It was an interesting time, mostly because it wasn't a specified, per organised action. Interesting as in good though. Most of the girls left later that (Friday) evening and Lara left Saturday morning but due to my father's stay in China and Kathleen's recent surgery I was left until Sunday evening.
Saturday morning Sarah was at the barn working early so I stayed 'home' and cleaned up the basement room and then vacuumed and folded laundry for a bit and then went downstairs and hung out. About lunch time Bekah called and told us about a Jacob Moon concert happening that night, everyone decided to go and Sarah was assumed attendance. The only catch was that when Sarah got home at the end of her work day at the barn she was tired and slightly pessimistic about the horseshow the next day (Sunday).
It was Anna's first show and boy oh boy she schooled in her first two classes! 1st & 2nd followed by 6th in equitation trotting poles. :D. Very good, very good indeed.
Sarah's classes started at 11:30 so Anna was done and Em, Anna, and I watched Sarah as she worked out some hacking classes on Danny, and than competed in a little jumping on Music (who was a grand ole feller and didn't refuse them!). In total Sarah competed in 7 classes and revceived a, 1st, 2nd, 2nd, 2nd, 4th, 5th & 6th. And then got a Reserve Champion ribbon! I know that you're not supposed to boast, plus its annoying, but I'm doing it for Sarah, cause I'm proud of her, and I hope this somehow gets to her.
Late that afternoon we returned home (the Pypker's....home #2, anywaysss....) to a snack of (the best) Greek salad (in the world). After we hung out a bit (attempting to hang a new yarn line on her wall to accomodate her ever growing ribbon collection) until my momma and my sista decided to arrive to pick me up. After which we enjoyed a delicious supper of belgian waffles slathered in both brown sugar and syrup ( Mr. Pypker style ;D). It was a slighting sad ending to my stay with the Pypker's as I gathered together my belongings and headed home. It was SO quiet without 7 girls being everywhere at once and I found that I missed being able to talk to a variety of people throughout the day and enjoy special memories with them. Twas sad. Though I shall live as I have connected to my Everton VBS buddie's through e-mail and facebook and look forward to attending their jointed barn's next show.
So I changed my font in order to differentiate between the two bits of writing. I'm going to post this now....I must have forgotten to post it when I wrote it nearly 3 weeks ago. Cherrio!
Monday, June 25, 2007
thoughts..
Holding my breath for the end of this storm, oh God, please carry me through.
.
.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...
.
.
I give you my destiny,
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony,
Singing in all that I am,
At the top of my lungs,
I'm giving it back...
.
.
Back to black and white reality, you still have to watch what you say...
.
.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.
.
.
Would you be my life-line, please, its all I've got left...
I like italics. ( and friends who take the time to talk. :) )
.
.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...
.
.
I give you my destiny,
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony,
Singing in all that I am,
At the top of my lungs,
I'm giving it back...
.
.
Back to black and white reality, you still have to watch what you say...
.
.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.
.
.
Would you be my life-line, please, its all I've got left...
I like italics. ( and friends who take the time to talk. :) )
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Totally pumped!
Oh my goodness.
I CANNOT wait.
July 7th-13th
Thats in....16 days!
I CANNOT wait.
July 7th-13th
Thats in....16 days!
In other interesting news...Rachie is working extremely hard, and following suit (with Keith) will not be on msn or other internet applications such as facebook, myspace, or facebox (Rachie's Twist...) very frequently. I will be checking email and prehaps blogging. Otherwise you can call me.
Now considering in my hand, at this moment, I am holding a time bomb then I shall be off.
**Once my rush of things to do is essentially over I will be blogging...more often...or more useful subjects.**
Sunday, June 10, 2007
3x
We pulled it off.
And, I had an amazing night.
Man, I love you guys! Teaching me like random skills like handlebar riding. Practically reading the "Motherly Instinct: People With Eyes Closed Crossing Monkey-bars. (The Manual)". Pretty much the entire evening was like so much fun for me. lol.
I don't really know what else to say, cause really it was totally worth it.
Three cheers for my, now, 16 year old sister!
Woot! Woot! Woot!
You see, when One only has one sibling and all the One's friends have multiple, that One's one sibling must be 3 siblings packed into one unit, and therefore is the score of 3 times the fun, 3 times the laughs, 3 times the love, etc.
On that note I shall be off.
A very tired Rachie.
(Who is almost sick of cake! :O)
And, I had an amazing night.
Man, I love you guys! Teaching me like random skills like handlebar riding. Practically reading the "Motherly Instinct: People With Eyes Closed Crossing Monkey-bars. (The Manual)". Pretty much the entire evening was like so much fun for me. lol.
I don't really know what else to say, cause really it was totally worth it.
Three cheers for my, now, 16 year old sister!
Woot! Woot! Woot!
You see, when One only has one sibling and all the One's friends have multiple, that One's one sibling must be 3 siblings packed into one unit, and therefore is the score of 3 times the fun, 3 times the laughs, 3 times the love, etc.
On that note I shall be off.
A very tired Rachie.
(Who is almost sick of cake! :O)
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